Sunday, May 19, 2013

Allowing for Possibility

I have a nasty habit of trying to prepare myself for the worst.  "Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed."  My dear husband has tempered this habit in me by reminding me that until I KNOW the worst, I should enjoy the possibility of wonderful outcomes.  But I seem hell-bent on protecting myself from a great fall by psyching myself down and emphasizing realistic, often pessimistic, likelihoods.

When I was younger, I didn't handle rejection and disappointment particularly well.  I am someone who has what we in third grade refer to as "big feelings."  So, my reactions would often be out of all proportion with reality.  I would see something small as the end of the world.  I still struggle with this.  So it's understandable that, to contradict this tendency toward melodrama, I developed the habit of talking myself through possible  disappointment in advance in order to lessen the blow.

However.  However.  However.

However what?  Well, when you cultivate a habit of expecting the worst and preparing for the worst, sometimes you forget that your wildest dreams may still be possible.  You fail to allow for the possibility of wonderful, remarkable success.

This weekend, after spending a week preparing myself for the worst, I sat down and found myself experiencing the best.  The wildest dreams scenario.  I can't share the details just yet, since my pessimist still believes I might curse the next steps.  But whatever happens next, this weekend I experienced the best of all possible outcomes on something and it left me stunned.  Stunned at the realization of the possible.  Stunned by the reminder that possibilities include that which is wonderful, not just that which is disappointing or difficult.  I hope I can carry that realization with me and remember possibility.

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